Vacation!

Six hours and counting until our vacation! I cannot begin to tell you how excited I am about this. We missed out on a real vacation last year because A was working on a big project at work so we were making sure that this year we were doing something...anything! We've scaled back our plans a bit due to lack of employment (so far...I know something is going to come along soon!) But we are all still looking forward to it!

We have lots of tentative plans, a lot of them depending on weather! We do have tickets to a Jays/Yankees game on Tuesday night and I just found out this morning that J's BFF and his dad are going to the same game! So hopefully we can arrange to get together with them before the game. Other than that we've been throwing around ideas of Wonderland, Niagara Falls, Ontario Place...I think we're just going to see what we feel like doing each day.

Moreso, this week is just about us getting to spend time together...as a family. While I may complain at times (ok...a lot!) that our family isn't alway in the same place at the same time, that I wish that we had more of a conventional family, this is still my family. And this week I look forward to just being with them...enjoying them.

Inspiration

I feel as though there are so many things that I should be posting about and yet my first words always seem to be about my boys (although I guess that's what this blog is all about!) I strive for something quick and witty, something...inspiring. I've just finished reading this blog http://www.mycharmingkids.net/ and find every post, while sad, so incredibly inspiring. This little boy has overcome so much in such a short time on this earth, and his mother...truly an inspiration for all mothers out there. Continues to fight for her child, to ensure that he receives the best that the health professions have to offer...at any cost. I feel as though anything I can say will pale in comparison. However, while my children may not have made miracles happen, they are my miracles. They are my inspiration.

Changes

The last couple of weeks have been a bit crazy for us, I say "us" because the changes going on affect everyone. The biggest "thing" that's happened is that Andrew lost his job. This came as a huge surprise to the both of us as well as all of his staff and the industry reps that he deals with. The lay off really came out of left field and has left us both standing around with our mouths open trying to figure out what to do next. I will give Andrew credit though, he has dealt with this amazingly well. The first night that we were dealing with all this I felt like he was consoling me more than the other way around (don't worry...I quickly got my self together!) He has now been unemployed for a little over a week and I think we are both ready for him to go back to work! Unfortunately the problem that we now face is where to find said work. There are opportunities in both Toronto and Ottawa, however the better of the choices probably lies in Toronto. I find myself walking a fine line between being incredibly supportive of my partner who is out of work and dealing with a pretty big bruise to his ego and desperately wanting us to be a real family that lives in the same city more than a few days a month. I find myself more often than not biting my tongue and not saying exactly what I'm feeling but sugar coating it more than I normally would. For those of you who know me, know that I rarely sugar coat...I'm more of a say it like it is type of girl. What I want to say is "if you take any other job in Toronto we are done, I cannot handle the long distance family thing any long" and yet what comes out is "I love you and of course I will support whatever decision you make" The latter of the two I think is the more mature side of me talking...the first option is the selfish part of me.

The last week we have had a taste of being in the same city (something neither of us have known since we first started dating 3 1/2 years ago) and I have to say, it's been nice. It's been normal, easy, I hesitate to say boring. However, it isn't the "I need some excitement" type of boring, but more just the normal couple type of boring. Family dinners, and renting videos on the weekend. Having another adult around for grocery shopping, shoe shopping and bath time. It's been one of those weeks that's made me remember the things that I've been missing so much the past little while.

And so...while I have grown to embrace my alone time, after the boys go to bed or when they are at their dad's...I really think I'm ready to have less alone time and more "us" time.

Growing up

For those of you who know me and know my parenting style, it's a little bit eclectic. I like to let the boys have their space and explore the world around them (but I'm always close by!) and yet at the same time we have rules and chores and all those other not so fun things. I was never really that mom that got super emotional about birthdays and their children getting older, I didn't cry on the first day of school or the last day of school or any day in between. And yet I find as they get older and our baby days are further behind us I get more emotional about them growing up.

Today my three boys started their first day of summer camp. I have been stressing about this for days...they were counting down the sleeps. Last night I was frantically packing everything (even the kitchen sink!) in their backpacks...they were asking for 2 juice boxes. This morning I was holding back tears as they got on the bus...they already had new best friends before the bus left the parking lot. So, as you can see...I was the only one worried about camp.

It's crazy to me how our vision of parenting can change so much over time. We all have a "plan" starting out, the way we're going to parent, the type of parent we're going to be. I know I did. And let me tell you, the mother I was planning on being would have no idea who this mother is!

So, tonight I will head out at 4 and pick up my boys from their first day of camp. I am looking forward to hearing the stories of new things they've learned and new people they've met. They're growing up and that makes me a little bit sad...but the people they are growing up to be, they make me proud.

Time out

So I took a time out last week. A time out from my life, and let me tell you I needed one. After the harrowing court experience and the emails that ensued I had pretty much hit my limit and needed to be away from my life. Fortunately I have another (part-time) home in downtown Toronto that I can get away to and often times forget about the crazy that is my life. Let me say, I don't forget about my whole life. I am slowly leaving things around the condo that are "me" and next weekend will be putting up pictures of the boys so that I don't miss them quite as much when they are gone. Being at my home in Toronto I am able to do all that fun kid-free stuff that rarely happens at home in Ottawa. I can go to Whole Foods and spend 2 hours wandering the isles (and yes, I've done that before!) or wander up to Starbucks and read an entire trashy magazine from cover to cover in one sitting. I still miss the boys terribly, but I have a bit more distraction and so I'm not thinking about them every five minutes (only every ten minutes!)

Fortunately I was able to set up some meetings in Toronto which at least kept me occupied during the day and I had my wonderful sleeping pills to keep me unconscious at night. When I get stressed out I stop sleeping, completely stop sleeping. I find it amazing how many days I can go without sleeping before I crash. And based on the last couple of weeks my stress level was at an all time high. The first night I took a sleeping pill and pretty much passed out and slept for about 13 hours...pretty much unheard of for me. I woke up the next morning a big hung over but feeling like I could at least cope with life. As the week progressed I was finally able to relax more and by the end of the week I was sleeping again (without the help of tranquillizers)

Another crazy thing that happened this week...Andrew and I spent 6 days together, and we both made it out alive! One of the problems with a long distance relationship is that we rarely spend more than 3 consecutive days together. This last week was the longest we'd ever spent together and I was actually a bit nervous going into it. On any other week it wouldn't have been a huge deal, but this week after the stress that I'd been under I wasn't a horribly nice person to be around. We made it...and we're still speaking to eachother! I should add that in my haze of sleepless nights and way too much nervous energy I started cooking and baking. I made all kinds of crazy treats and I'm now afraid that he's going to expect cooking like that all the time. So honey, if you're finally reading my blog...I'm not normally Martha Stewart so please don't get used to it!