The Four Musketeers

I was reminded last week that I hadn't written in here in a while...and looking back it's been a long while. This person reminded me how much they enjoyed reading my words and admired my courage for putting my thoughts out there for the entire world to see. Once something is out there on the Internet it's there forever. It got me to thinking that perhaps I just didn't have anything to say that I wanted kept for all of time.

So many things have changed in a year. Once again our family dynamic has changed dramatically, and once again my boys have been disappointed by someone they trusted. However, I am amazed at the strength that they have, they have tought me many lessons over the past few months. They have tought me strenght and courage and determination. We have gotten through these last few months and come out the other end a stronger family. The Four Musketeers.

Jacob's birthday is in a few short weeks. It's so hard to believe that my first baby is almost 9. I have lately been amazed at the speed in which time passes when you have children. Once day they are infants, the next boys taking their mother's on a date to the movies. J still struggles with the changes that our family has undergone in the past few years. And while I worry that all of his "being the man of the house" will inevitably change him, I only hope it is for the better. He sometimes seems like the weight of the world is resting on his shoulders, more like that of a 30 year old than an 8 year old. And then there are days, like this past Thursday, where he acted like a typical boy...and made me laugh so hard with his Lady Gaga impersonations that I cried.

Connor is still my special boy. He makes me so frustrated I want to tear my hair out and 2 seconds later makes my heart smile with his infectious smile. While I've seen him make huge strides in the changes in his behaviour I worry that we have gone 10 steps forward and are now working our way back. Part of me hopes that this is just a "testing boundaries" phase in his life, but considering what Connor and I have dealt with in the past I worry that perhaps this is something else. For now it's a wait and see. Smother him with my love and my understanding and pray that this is life testing us both.

Ty...I am always at a loss as to what to say about Ty. All of a sudden he is no longer my baby. Days of co-sleeping and morning hugs are long gone and in their place has found attitude and more attitude. He is still my boy with the infectious laugh that makes even the worst of days seem irrelevant. But lately he tests my patience. He is reminding me that each of my boys need a different type of mother and different strategy of parenting. But most of my he needs my un-conditional love. It seems to be some days the one part of parenting that I don't struggle with.

I suppose all the issues we have are normal parent/child issues. They feel so much larger when I'm dealing with them on my own. I wonder if things had turned out differently for our family if these struggles would be normal everyday issues? Would they still feel so huge to me? Would they still feel like personal failures? Or would just be our lives?